its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
