i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
