it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
