ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
