The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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