My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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