Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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