My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
