hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
