i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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