I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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