Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
