Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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