STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
