textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
