he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
