he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
