The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I had to cum in my sink.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
