sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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