is your mom at the bar?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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