I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
