Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
