apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
