words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
