Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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