Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
