Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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