smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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