I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
