Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
