Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
