Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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