Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
