Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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