I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
