How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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