I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i drank out of a bidet.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
