You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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