I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
