How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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