dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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