It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
