My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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