i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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