Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
