I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
