the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
