At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
