who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
