Please, let me fuck your mom
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
